Celestial Weasel (celestialweasel) wrote,
Celestial Weasel

Baked beans and sniper rifle here we come

As part of my ongoing programme to cut down on my random ill-conceived investments, I have just phoned up the U.S. to unload my 273 Sybase shares which I bought as part of the employee share purchase plan when I worked there for approximately 2 1/2 years ending 8 years ago.
I shall be investing the money in baked beans, which I will be keeping in a hidden location and defending with my trusty sniper rifle Mr. T (or 'Norman' as I call it in intimate moments), in preparation for the collapse of civilisation. I believe that I will be able to afford a cube of cans 28 cans on each side, providing I buy own brand ones.

This should, I hope, allow me to survive the brief time window between the collapse of civilisation and the collapse of the ecosphere, at which point I will re-enact the poignant scene from Carry on Screaming by plunging into a vat of bubbling wax with a cry of 'frying tonight'. Obviously by that point no-one will be around to watch, but like Bokonon in Cat's Cradle I shall be there thumbing my nose at a non-existent deity.

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