1. At a quarter past midnight, 'Sailing By' will be played, the cameras will pan back and the 2 presenters (regardless of gender) will be revealed dressed in evening dress and/or ball-gowns and waltz round the studio.
2. After the round-up of tomorrows newspapers, when the newspaper reviewer gets to the Daily Mail, instead of the latest edition, the reviewer will ALWAYS have the 1930s copy with the headline 'Hurrah for the Blackshirts'.
3. Taking its lead from Thailand, the national anthem will be played at 6 p.m. Better still, to piss off the Daily Mail and so forth it will alternate between the National Anthem, the anthem of the Council of Europe, Oh Flower of Scotland and The Land Of My Fathers but nothing for England.