July 11th, 2005

There are no mountains in Essex

A fine phrase that I thought I would share with you, coming from an interview of Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett by Neil Gaiman in Wired Magazine (if you Google for it there are 2 hits linking to the article). I will keep it in mind as the name of the sequel to the forthcoming blockbuster 'The Management Consultants Can Turn Right'.

Baked beans and sniper rifle here we come

As part of my ongoing programme to cut down on my random ill-conceived investments, I have just phoned up the U.S. to unload my 273 Sybase shares which I bought as part of the employee share purchase plan when I worked there for approximately 2 1/2 years ending 8 years ago.
I shall be investing the money in baked beans, which I will be keeping in a hidden location and defending with my trusty sniper rifle Mr. T (or 'Norman' as I call it in intimate moments), in preparation for the collapse of civilisation. I believe that I will be able to afford a cube of cans 28 cans on each side, providing I buy own brand ones.

This should, I hope, allow me to survive the brief time window between the collapse of civilisation and the collapse of the ecosphere, at which point I will re-enact the poignant scene from Carry on Screaming by plunging into a vat of bubbling wax with a cry of 'frying tonight'. Obviously by that point no-one will be around to watch, but like Bokonon in Cat's Cradle I shall be there thumbing my nose at a non-existent deity.