January 4th, 2005

The sitcom that is our office

To celebrate the new year we have shifted our paradigm from 'our office as the world's most tedious fly-on-the-wall documentary series' to 'our office as sitcom (albeit a sitcom in which nothing much happens)'. We felt that nothing could top the Christmas double length episode 'the office runs out of decaf coffee' so we would go out on a high.

In the first thrilling episode of the sitcom someone comes in and says that their Linn Axis turntable has died and it is misheard as saying that Lynn, their ex- has died, with hilarious consequences.

Later that day, the subject of conversation turns (not for the first time) to the vexing question of 'do people really use mobile phones to set off bombs?', and a number of Google searches are done, also predictably with hilarious consequences when Special Branch come to break down the doors, failing, in their haste, to notice the 'wet paint on door-frames' signs.

I am joking about Special Branch (so far), though not about the paint (and very pongy it was too, dig those VOCs) or the searches. I contend that mobiles aren't really designed for user modification and that connecting one to a bomb would be fraught with danger (whoops, wrong number) and rather tricky. I would have thought a nice simple 555 timer would do the job much more easily. Perhaps if it were a 'Windows Powered' phone then Clippy could appear - 'hi, you appear to be trying to blow large numbers of people into small pieces...'.

How can it fail? It almost makes it up there with the pilot episode of Mind The Duck in which an injured duck is mistaken for an injured dyke.

Clearly the moment is right, particularly as I am going to be forced to make my own entertainment as Fox appear not to have released any more seasons of The Mary Tyler Moore show on DVD. Bastards. I didn't for one moment think I would be disappointed to find out that no more series were released, not even in Japan where I managed to get various series of ER not released in the UK or US.

The working title of my sitcom is PVC (Polyamorous Vegan Cryptographer) - in accordance with the prophesies. The working plan is that the heroine will be called Mary and her partners will be called Tyler and Moore, I haven't decided on the genders yet since Tyler can apparently be a male or female first name, and Moore isn't really a first name at all, but still has a degree of verisimilitude to it, particularly if he/she is American. I will then stand back and wait to be sued by Fox.