July 9th, 2004

A modest proposal

Though I haven't read too much about it and am relying on media reports, I gather than in the 5 year plan for education houses (in the 'divide people up into 4 or so groups across all years at the school' sense) are said to be a Good Thing.
On the basis that what is good in schools will be good for the country as a whole, and inspired slightly by Slapstick by Kurt Vonnegut, I suggest that this be rolled out throughout the country. Everyone will be allocated to a house randomly, possibly with all people with the same surname being allocated to the same house. There will be something between 6 and 20 houses, obviously they all need to have a different colour which provides an upper limit on what is sensible. Initially people will be able to change their house to someone else's e.g. partner / parent / child / whatever.
House points will be allocated on the basis of key performance targets e.g. exam grades, children being immunised against MMR, weight loss, giving up smoking. They will be deducted for speeding, driving whilst using a mobile phone in ones hand, using a TV without a licence etc.
The scores will be read out just before the national lottery draw on Saturday evenings. Indeed, I suggest that the two are coupled e.g. a band of prize (4 balls plus the bonus ball perhaps) should be given only to people with the correct numbers AND in the week's winning house.
Given the drive towards choice in education and health, someone has got to choose first, and I suggest that, on an annual basis, the first choice of school and surgeon should be given to people from the winning house.

You know it makes sense.

"It's fairly urgent, Sir, He's been found dead in a crop circle."

The Midsomer Murders never fails to delight and amaze.

I did not actually watch the episode, it was on at the gym.

By choosing the title they have rather limited the scope of series, and the high body count (which they are now taking the piss of in promos for the series) in the hinterland of Oxfordshire / Buckinghamshire is even less plausible than it was in Inspector Morse.
I was astounded and amazed to discover that it is based on a series of books, by Caroline Graham, who is the American correspondent of the Mail on Sunday, Which may tell you something (though many of you will have heard my 'Mail journalists don't believe in the rubbish they write, but Telegraph ones do' factoid which came from a journalist and may or may not be true). I had assumed that Central had come up with Inspector .NOT.Morse i.e. we have established
that Barnaby is the happily married man, and his sidekick is single.
that Barnaby prefers wine to beer.
that he hates opera
that he drives a sensible car
Maybe she wrote them this way in the hope of getting Central to pick them up. Or maybe Central changed things from the books, as they did for Morse (in the early books Lewis is the same age as Morse).

11.30 p.m. on a Friday night and I am sitting here writing about crap TV. How sad is that?