June 7th, 2004

3 Things to which there are surprisingly no or few hits on Google

1. The word 'ipodolatry', the meaning of which should be self evident. (Mr Ipod, please meet Ms. Lump-Hammer). There are two hits on Google from one rather dull site.

2. A song to the tune of 'The Candy Man Can' from the film of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - 'The Goatse man can'. No hits at all. If you don't know who the goatse man is then consider yourself lucky, but I am surprised there is no such song. I don't feel inspired to write it myself, however.

3. The title 'girl with a perl earring'. About 24 hits, but they are all misspellings of the book or film rather than my alternative conception of a film, vaguely on the lines of Lost In Translation, starting Scarlett Johansson as a perl programming goth (*), the girl with a perl earring of the title. The perl earring being of course a USB memory key containing 256 MB of stuff from CPAN. Bill Murray co-stars as a laconic FORTRAN programmer. As they work together they discuss life and the virtues of strong vs. weak typing, early vs. late binding etc.
I firmly believe that there are few geeky straight / bi males who would not pay good money to hear Scarlett Johansson say, and I will probably get this wrong as my copy of the camel book is at work, 'an object is simply a reference to a blessed thingy'.

(*) yes, I am afraid that there is something inherently funny about goths. The same is true of weasels, for some reason. And as for the combination of the two..
If you are feeling brave you should type goth weasel into Google. For some reason you get a number of vaguely dubious looking sites. The text from one of them is, Behind a cut (no actively obscene words but I thought I would put it behind a cut in case anyone has a particularly fascist regime at work)
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