Celestial Weasel (celestialweasel) wrote,
Celestial Weasel

The Weasel Plan for BBC Radio

Accept no alternatives.

1. (I should make it clear that I don't care how many Acts of Parliament this requires and/or opt-outs from EU / WTO / whatever treaties it requires). It will be made clear to all national sporting federations that if they expect any help from the Government in any shape or form or, indeed, do not want complete open season on them with an army of muck-raking journos and nit-picking accountants etc. making their lives a misery, that they will make the broadcasting rights available for free for international matches and domestic leagues to the BBC and consider it an honour. I am just about prepared to allow for a couple of exceptions for the Premier League and Formula 1.

2. There are some things in the world that simply cannot be excused, and radio drama is one of them. The Archers, though I cannot see the point myself, will be grandfathered in.

3. All BBC production to be brought in-house, with people, including junior trainees being paid real money, no interns working for nothing because Tarquin and Jocasta's parents can afford to subsidise them. Away with the irksome more-or-less-monopsony of 'independent' production (I guess the 'talent' will have to be freelance but strict rules to be applied).

4. BBC Local Radio. BBC Local Radio seems to perform 3 main functions viz:
i) stations for an old audience (older than that served by Radio 2)
ii) in general not particularly good but better than commercial alternatives local news
iii) 24 hour rolling coverage in case of floods / snow / plagues of frogs etc.
Therefore addressing these in turn
i) there is no particular reason to have multiple stations - see below
ii) there will be local journalists employed by the BBC. All stations designated as local or regional according to some sensible criteria will be forced to either produce their own high quality news or give n minutes an hour to broadcasting the BBC news.
iii) clearly some bunch of volunteers would be only too thrilled to be the National Emergency Radio Volunteers or similar. Certain stations will be designated to be the ones that they commandeer in case of emergency.

5. Five Live. Two words, utterly and inexcusable. I can accept the sports, though more sport and less bollocks about sporting celebs would be nice, and I can just about accept the value of morning and afternoon drive-time shows less constipated than Today and PM. But nothing else.

6. Radio 4, shorn of its drama, would on some level be improved by less budget. More conversations amongst people with interesting things to say. More science, obviously. Also, in the good old days (i.e. the vast years I spent quite a lot of time off school ill listening to the radio in the 70s) the World Service was really the continuation of Radio 4 by other means, I think this was better than the irksome rolling news stuff it has been reduced to.

7. Radio 3. Not really my cup of tea, but I can live with one sacred cow.

8. Music radio. I don't really see the clear blue water between the evening stuff on Radio 1, the Radcliffe style stuff on Radio 2 and 6 Music. I reckon we can do with 2 stations. Hmm. Maybe we could call them Radio 1 and Radio 2.

This leaves us, as far as radio goes.

1. Radio 1 - some sort of hybrid of Radio 1 and 1 Xtra
2. Radio 2 - some sort of hybrid of Radios 1, 2 and 6 Music
3. Radio 3
4. Radio 4 - breakfast shows more on the lines of Five Live, conversations, documentaries, sport
5. World Service - Today and PM (I don't care that they will be at random times round the world). Documentaries, stories, more sport
6. Radio 5 - Oldies (in both senses), even more sport
7. Asian Network, perhaps.

Plus news on commercial stations.

TV later if I can bothered.
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